


I Can’t Stand (How Much I Need) You

by captainpororo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 15:05:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11534721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainpororo/pseuds/captainpororo
Summary: Because there can only be enough staring between Baekhyun and Kyungsoo before someone finally snaps and says something about it.Predictably, it’s Baekhyun. Unfortunately, he says his thoughts in English. Or tries.Kyungsoo is endeared.Or alternatively,Baekhyun learns an English song and realizes that the lyrics hit quite close to home. Kyungsoo joins him along the way.





	I Can’t Stand (How Much I Need) You

**Author's Note:**

> I am under the impression that if I ignore the unfinished chapter on my laptop, it will go away.  
> The title has been taken from Rihanna and Ne-Yo's collaboration from 2007, called 'Hate that I Love You'.  
> It's a gem, give it a try. 
> 
> I write ugly sentences. Just thought you should know.

Baekhyun has been practicing a lot these days. He _needs_ it. There are only four days left before MAMA, and he has been blessed (or cursed, if you ask Sehun) to be chosen as a performer for event’s collaborative number with no other than Rihanna. The singer cannot mess this up; partly because Rihanna is a legendary singer and a well respected senior, and also because she is Minseok hyung’s crush since forever and he will break every single bone in Baekhyun’s body if he messes up ‘the queen’s performance.’ 

Much to Baekhyun’s chagrin, the song of choice by the renowned pop star is ‘Hate that I Love You’, an R & B duet that has been arranged into a melodious acoustic masterpiece, to be accompanied by a pre-recorded guitar instrumental and a simple beat. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, Chanyeol says, and Baekhyun would like to think so too, if not for the terrifying amount of English he has to sing in front of thousands of colleagues, fan’s, anti’s, and even the people on Television and the internet just waiting for him to fail.

Fact number one: Baekhyun secretly has stage fright, and not because he’s afraid of people. He can manage performing almost flawlessly in front of fans. He knows his _aeris_ love him no matter what, and he can mess around in front of them because they’re fans. They adore him. In front of a random audience, however, his faux confidence and suave persona falls a bit short, no height related pun intended. It’s not a secret that as many as EXO’s _aeris_ are, their anti’s and haters are also large in numbers. Whether enthusiasts of other groups or just people who are plain irritated by them, their nine-membered group faces a lot of hate both in social media and in person. Baekhyun’s anxiety with stepping on stage isn’t caused by the fear of being put in the spotlight; he loves attention, after all. What he hates, fears, and constantly mourns over is rejection.

Fact number two: Baekhyun can’t speak English, even if his life depended on it. No one can tell him he hasn’t tried, because everyone around him knows that it’s standard procedure in S.M. Entertainment for _every_ trainee to undergo numerous English speaking workshops to hone the future idols for wrecking the lives of fans out of the country. Baekhyun has gone through extra tutoring lessons, speech workshops, and even private lessons, but to no avail. English and Baekhyun are as odd a combination as Jongin and coffee. Five years after debuting, he has learned to accept his fate, and simply depended on everyone else to do the speaking for him when it comes to that annoyingly-difficult-and-definitely-sent-from-Satan language.

 

EXO’s most notorious beagle is currently pacing around the group’s shared apartment lounge, biting his nails and frowning over his iPad as he mouths the lyrics over and over, trying to get the meaningless words stick to his brain. 

_ What does this song even mean? _ , the distressed young man groans. He can pick up bits and pieces of things he understand, but cannot comprehend the overall meaning of the stanzas.

Unbeknownst to him, there are six pairs of eyes that have been following him for the past few minutes. Behind the bookshelf stands Chanyeol, Sehun, and Jongdae, the latter of whom has been snorting as they watch the scene in front of them.

“He’s doomed,” Sehun declares, after watching Baekhyun tug at his hair for the seventh time today.

“Probably,” Chanyeol snorts. “But hey, what’s more interesting is what _he’ll_ say if he finds out which song Baekhyun is going to sing.”

“Shit, you’re right. Out of everything, it’s this song…” Jongdae’s eyes widen, and he slaps a hand over his mouth to stop a snicker from escaping. 

The tallest of the three cackles and drags his companions with him, walking purposefully towards the corridor leading to multiple bedrooms. 

“C’mon, idiots. Let’s play cupid.”

 

 

Half an hour later, Kyungsoo pads into the living room with his hair unkempt, and his blinking eyes heavy from the thirteen hour nap he’s just taken. He crosses paths with Baekhyun just as the other emerges from the kitchen, belting out a heavily out of tune “And I hate that I love you soooooooo!”

Kyungsoo gasps. 

The succeeding chorus dies on Baekhyun’s throat as he takes in the sight in front of him. Before him, Kyungsoo stands, eyes bulging and wide as if he’s a deer caught in headlights , mouth agape. 

Silence falls into the room, and Baekhyun uses it to stare at the adorably-attractive-for-someone-who-just-woke-up-from-hibernation vocalist. He notes the different emotions that unfold in the way Kyungsoo blinks and adjusts the furrow of his eyebrows into a neutral and passive expression. For a few seconds, there’s a hint of surprise, followed by worry, and surprisingly, bashfulness in the singer’s face. 

The older lifts his brows at that, cocking his head to the side. 

It’s Kyungsoo who speaks first.

“That’s the song you’re performing? ‘Hate that I Love You?’”

Baekhyun nods, waving the printed lyric sheets in his hand at the other, earning him a small smile from Kyungsoo. There’s something in the smaller’s eyes, a familiar look that the older sometimes sees directed at him when Kyungsoo thinks he’s not looking, or at young children who wave at them enthusiastically at the airport. Baekhyun leans forward slightly, trying to assess it further, before he finds himself getting flicked in the forehead.

“That’s…a really beautiful song, hyung. It has great meaning. Don’t mess it up or I’ll punch you,” Kyungsoo squeaks, before scurrying to the kitchen. 

_ What’s up with him?,  _  the older singer sighs as he glances down at the lyrics. _What’s beautiful about this thing?_

Baekhyun continues humming the song as he jots down lines along the lyrics to remind himself of how the tune is supposed to go. He practices enunciating the words, letting the syllables roll off his tongue like they’re familiar to him. 

Kyungsoo resurfaces from the kitchen, a cup of milk on one hand and a mug of tea on the other. Watching Kyungsoo move around and exist alongside him has always been one of Baekhyun’s habits, and he’s done it for so long that his eyes automatically follow the small figure around whenever the doe eyed vocalist enters his field of vision. 

“Creeper,” Jongin once called him teasingly when he noticed that his hyung was no longer paying attention to his story about his dogs and has been preoccupied with staring at Kyungsoo who walks out of the kitchen wearing a cute pink apron. 

“Seriously, If I were him, I’d sue you for sexually harassing me with your eyes,” Jongdae retorted some time, when he caught Baekhyun staring too long at someone who stepped out of the shower. 

“Baekhyunnie, if you like Kyungsoo that much, you should tell him! Maybe he likes you too,” Yixing hyung once singsonged as he reaches over to close Baekhyun’s mouth, after his jaw has dropped unsophisticatedly when he spoted Kyungsoo all dressed up formally for an award thing for actors or something, the singer didn’t really pay attention to the event, only that Kyungsoo looked ravishing and he’d have so much fun running his fingers along those shoulders and sliding a hand down that—

“Baekhyun?” Kyungsoo’s honey voice broke his stupor and he gawks at the face before him.

“I said I made tea, but you were looking at me like I’ve grown another head. You tired? You should sleep, you know.” 

The younger pushes the coaster across the table, so that the steaming beverage sits right in front of Baekhyun. 

It’s these moments where Kyungsoo catches Baekhyun off guard that he’s at a loss of anything to say, so he ends up saying stupid things instead, like that one time he blurted out an innuendo instead of thanking Kyungsoo for nursing him back to health that ended up with him crouching in the floor in pain after receiving a rather surprising kick to the shin. 

Baekhyun is a man who never learns his lessons, so he coos at Kyungsoo, extending a hand to ruffle the other’s hair, while saying “Awww, I always knew that deep in your stone cold heart you actually have a big soft spot for me!” instead of thanking him like a normal person.

In an instant, Kyungsoo’s face darkens, and he has the other’s outstretched arm twisted in a very unnatural manner as the quiet evening becomes filled with Baekhyun’s screams of agony.

 

 

Early the next morning, the dorm is buzzing with activity as the members proceed to start their day.  Kyungsoo, Yixing, and Chanyeol have taken over the kitchen, preparing breakfast for nine, while Minseok taps on his coffee maker, humming along the English song that’s been blasting out of the speakers on repeat since the break of dawn. Junmyeon and Baekhyun are in the lounge, where the leader tries to explain the lyrics to the latter, in an attempt to help him project the proper emotions for the song.

“I swear to god, I’ve only heard that song sixteen thousand times today and I already hate it!” Sehun complains as he plops down the dining table, rubbing off the drowsiness from his eyes.

“Tell me about it. I think I’ll be haunted by Rihanna’s voice even when I sleep,” Jongin croaks beside him, face plopped on his arms as they await their meal. 

 “Again, why are we all going through this painful torture when Baekhyun’s the only one who’s going to sing this? I’ve already memorized the damned song out of unwillingly listening to it and I don’t even need to,” Jongdae yawns, as he makes his entrance, bellowing curses towards the living room.

“Breakfast is ready! Everyone gather up on the table and someone please turn the music off before I strangle Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo calls out, placing a heap of pancakes on the center of the table, followed by Chanyeol who’s carrying a small pitcher of syrup. 

“Oooh, breathplay, that’s hot.” Jongdae mutters under his breath, and the maknaes snort in amusement. 

“Shut up, Jongdae” two voices hiss at him in unison.

Shock paints Kyungsoo’s face, as he blinks at Baekhyun, who’s looking at him with a similar surprised expression. Both eventually look away, but not without enduring a tease or two, courtesy of the two other beagles in the room. 

They all eat breakfast together, and Jongdae gets to be glared at every thirty seconds. 

 

Around midday, Kyungsoo stomps into Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s room, where he catches sight of the former singer sitting on the bed, rehearsing the song as expected. He stands in front of the other, his wide eyes unblinking as he shoves an open palm to the singer. 

“Give me your iPad.” 

Too stunned to respond, Baekhyun plucks off his earphones from the device and hands it to Kyungsoo who immediately sits beside him, tapping on the gadget furiously. 

“W-what are you doing, Soo?”

Kyungsoo only shushes him, and presses some icons from the App Store. After a minute, he gives the iPad back to Baekhyun and points to a newly installed application on the menu board. 

“See this, here? It’s an app that translates English songs to Hangul, so you’re able to understand the words easily. There’s even an option here that helps you sing the song in Hangul characters. It’s what I use when I sing covers with Chanyeol.” 

“I- wow,” Baekhyun says eloquently, as Kyungsoo types along the song’s title and beams when it appears. He watches the younger’s face, observing the deep curve of his lips and the slope of his nose. For six years, he’s been watching that face, but he just can’t seem to get tired of it, or find himself not in awe of the ethereal looking features that makes up one perfect Do Kyungsoo.

“Yah! Are you even listening to me?” Baekhyun looks on as Kyungsoo lifts his head, finally meeting his eyes. There’s amusement in Kyungsoo’s face, and a bit of something else, something that pierces him every single time.

He doesn’t know if it’s him or Kyungsoo who inches forward, till they’re so close, but not close enough. He can see every single detail of the younger vocalist’s face, watch the awe that seems to shine in the other’s eyes, before the loud bang of the door startles them both, causing the doe eyed man to shriek and lean backward, panic flooding his face. Baekhyun internally cusses at whoever it is who disturbed their moment.

“Aha! Just the two men we’ve been looking for!” Chanyeol’s deep voice booms into the area, as he prances to the surprised duo, a grinning Jongdae right behind him.

“So, we’ve been thinking,” the latter says, arms crossed as he smirks .

“Yeah, we thought of something very brilliant!” The taller man chirps enthusiastically, only backing away slightly when he sees Kyungsoo’s signature glare.

“So yeah, who’s the best at singing English stuff in this group?” Jongdae asks, looking at Baekhyun pointedly.

“Kyungsoo, right?” Chanyeol singsongs.

“And you’re singing a duet, right?” Jongdae grins wider.

“So we thought who better to practice this song with other than- oomphsdfnksj” The following words have been muffled, as Kyungsoo throws himself at Chanyeol, yanking the older man’s brown locks of hair quite violently. 

The trolling pair was chased out by a fuming Kyungsoo in a matter of seconds, and he pants heavily as he leans on the door he’s just locked, wiping out the beads of sweat from his forehead.

“I swear, they always come up with dumb ideas, those two,” he groans.

Baekhyun only chuckles from the bed, patting the space beside him with a small smile.

“Yeah, they’re idiots. But the idea might not be that dumb,” he muses; scrolling the lyrics on his screen. “Sing it with me?”

From the way Kyungsoo detaches himself from the door and walks slowly towards him, Baekhyun already knows he’s won.

 

For the next couple of days, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun have been working side by side, practicing the song till the latter feels increasingly confident about the upcoming performance. They’ve stayed up late to sing it together, to which they earned a standing ovation from their audience of four, as Minseok, Sehun, Yixing, and Chanyeol hoot their approval of the duet. The experience has left Baekhyun with a constant warm fluttering feeling in his chest, and he knows that it has nothing to do with the song.

 

Currently, they’re walking along the airport and Kyungsoo is pressed on Baekhyun’s side, humming absentmindedly along to the tune from his earphones. It’s the day before MAMA, and everyone’s nervous and excited at the same time. _Aeris_ have worked hard in the past month and even weeks prior to vote for EXO, and the group feels the need to give back with a spectacular performance. 

“Whether we win or not, we will slay this thing, okay?” Minseok hyung said this morning before they stepped out of the apartment.

Everyone enthusiastically said yes, and they headed out to the awaiting vans.

By now, Baekhyun already knows the words to his song by heart, and he sings it in his head as he follows their manager to the check-in point. _It is indeed a beautiful song_ , he thinks, mulling over the lyrics in his head. 

“It’s a song about loving someone so much that it actually pains you,” Junmyeon hyung said a while back. “It’s that feeling when you can’t even get mad at a person because you’re totally head over heels over them.” 

Baekhyun remembers murmuring a soft “Is that so?” back then, to which his hyung only laughs, patting his head with a nod. 

“Yep, it’s being helpless against someone’s charms, Baekhyun. You’re a bit familiar with that, right?”

 

As they pass by, the singer notices the large group of fans cooped up on either side of the hallway, where metal barriers aren’t enough to hold their grabby hands away. Kyungsoo isn’t as aware, it seems, as he yelps in surprise after getting pulled away much too roughly by a teenage girl desperate for a selfie.

It all happened so fast.

 Baekhyun runs into action, pulling back the younger man into his arms, as he tries to evade the arms that reach for him instead,  sprinting with Kyungsoo across the walkway with his back against the crowd.

They eventually find their seats in the waiting area, and it’s only then that Baekhyun notices the cause of the dull pain that throbs on his nape. He’s been scratched, apparently, and the fingernails of whoever it was has left a couple of small wounds on his skin. 

Chanyeol, who sits behind him, cusses at the sight, and Baekhyun frowns as the action brings Kyungsoo’s attention to him.

“What-,” the doe eyed singer begins, only to close his mouth, staring hard at the older in silence, and scowling at the sight of blood on Baekhyun’s fingertips. Baekhyun bites his lip, unsure of what to say, because Kyungsoo is trembling slightly,  his hands balled into tight fists. 

“I-it’s fine! Just a couple of bruises, nothing our makeup artists can’t cover up,” he tries, even smiling for effect.

 

“Shut up. It’s not fine,” Kyungsoo snaps angrily, unzipping his backpack and rummaging through it quite violently. When his hands reemerge from the bag, he sees a pack of Band-Aids and despite Baekhyun’s protests, Kyungsoo places them on his neck himself.

“Whipped,” Jongdae whispers to Chanyeol, who nods in agreement.

 

 

Baekhyun is lying on the stage, shirt drenched in sweat. They’ve just finished their last practice of Kokobop and Diamond, EXO’s prepared performance for tomorrow evening.

He’s close to dozing off, when his manager nudges him softly, offering a water bottle.

“Rihanna’s here, Baek. Better change and drink up. You guys are rehearsing next.”

Minseok hyung makes a screeching noise in the background, and Baekhyun gets up to change his clothes.

After successfully pulling his head out of his new shirt, Baekhyun faces the doorway, hand in his hair, and ends up face to face with a smiling Kyungsoo.

“You ready?” He chuckles, lips curling up into full grin, and Baekhyun wants to kiss those lips so badly.

Instead, he nods and gives back an equally bright smile. 

“Ready.”

“I’ll watch, okay?” Kyungsoo whispers, patting his back gently before walking to the other direction.

Baekhyun watches his back get smaller, sighing before he heads to the main stage.

 

The ceiling is white, and so are the walls. Baekhyun has been staring up at the concrete around him. He looks at his left, where a digital clock  informs him that it’s 2:48 in the morning. 

_ Great, _ he mutters drily. 

After tossing and turning for the umpteenth time, he flinches upon hearing the sound of blankets rustling in the bed next to his. He sees Yixing hyung sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

“Sorry hyung,” he sighs. “Go back to sleep.”

“’S fine,” the older replies, stifling a yawn and facing him. “Can’t sleep?”

He nods, breathing a defeated "yeah," to  which the other smiles.

"Is it the duet? Are you worried?"

"No. Yes. I mean-" Baekhyun makes a weird gesture with his hand, groaning.

Yixing hyung laughs, his voice scratchy with sleep. He steps up of his bed, opting to sit next to the younger instead.

"Tell me about it, then. Maybe I can help."

"I think everyone knows by now how much I like Kyungsoo," Baekhyun begins, opening and closing his palm as he stares down his lap. "It's not really something I can hide, hyung. I mean, who stares at someone for that long? I've been glad to have a more-or-less friendship with him, but lately I keep finding myself hating this, because I don't think I'll be happy with just being a friend anymore. This performance with Rihanna only made it worse, because every line makes me think of him and how ironic this song is because this is exactly how I feel. Sometimes I look at him and I almost do stupid things, hyung. But I can't, I can't lose Kyungsoo."

Yixing reaches out and squeezes the younger's arm, humming thoughtfully.

"Have you tried to verbalize this things even once? What if you're both waiting for something to happen? Have you considered that?"

Baekhyun only huffs, recalling the zero times he's tried to say anything useful to Kyungsoo.

"How do I even know he likes men, hyung? Soo doesn't actually talk about this things."

"Hey now," he feels a warm hand on his shoulder and looks up to Yixing's dimpled smile. "Don't be discouraged. I may not know much about how he feels, but if the way he looks at you is any indication, Kyungsoo likes men very very much."

"I-what?"

Yixing tips his head back and laughs, scratching his head as he points at Baekhyun with an accusing finger. "Seriously, kid? You've spent each day staring at him and you don't even realize how he stares back at you with the same gobsmacked eyes you give him."

_ Kyungsoo looks at him affectionately? SINCE WHEN? _ Baekhyun tries to recall everything, and before he knows it, his companion has fallen asleep beside him and he's drifting off into dreamland.

It's _the_ day. Baekhyun is plopped into a chair, being dolled up by his make-up artist noona, and he ponders what Yixing said. This morning, he's been observing the object of his affections over breakfast and almost suffered from a heart attack upon being graced with Kyungsoo's heart shaped smile. When the younger only receives a puzzled look in response, he reaches over and pokes Baekhyun's cheek with a finger.

"You okay?" He asks, examining Baekhyun's face.

"I'm...fine," he croaks, eyes landing on Kyungsoo's plump lips, to his cupid's bow, to his nose, before finally finding the other's brown orbs.

"He's fine," Yixing hyung chirps from beside him, a weird glint in his eyes. "He's just a little lovesick, that's all."

"Lovesick?" Kyungsoo repeats, he eyes Baekhyun with amusement.

The older finally realizes the conversation and panics, facing his hyung with a pout. "Hyung! What are you saying?"

To Kyungsoo, he crosses his arms and looks at the floor, muttering "I am _not_ lovesick."

He hears a soft laugh, before fingers card through his hair as Kyungsoo starts walks away, but not before whispering a low "Sure, you're not."

He gulps, eyeing Yixing hyung, who only smiles at him in response.

Tap, tap, tap, tap.

Baekhyun has been anxiously tapping his shoe on the floor as he awaits his cue. The emcees are wrapping up the first awards, and his entrance comes after they walk backstage. He knows the words, knows the tune, but the feeling of anxiousness still creeps at him, making the hair on his arm stand on end. His thoughts are only interrupted when someone taps on his shoulder, and he whips around to see Kyungsoo, smiling up at him.

"Don't be afraid," he says, reaching to Baekhyun's hand and squeezing it reassuringly. "I'm sure you'll do well. Okay? You've done your best to prepare, so just enjoy the song, and feel the lyrics," he chuckles.

He nods, grinning at the beautiful man in front of him, his heart swelling with far too much emotion.

"You know," Kyungsoo hums, "It may help if you sing that song with someone in mind, it brings out the emotions and makes the lyrics more genuine."

Their eyes meet once more, and this time, Baekhyun understands. He sees his reflection in Kyungsoo's eyes and finally, the pieces fall together. For as long as he's been sneaking glances at the younger, Kyungsoo almost always catches him looking. During their trainee days, Kyungsoo would only flick his forehead and mumble words about "being a creep" or "looking too hard, you might hurt yourself", and Baekhyun has never learned to analyze those eyes he finds looking back at him. He finally begins to see what those glances mean, and why Kyungsoo looks upset whenever Baekhyun hurts himself during practice, or gets sick in the hustle of preparing for conerts. He realizes that Kyungsoo knew about the song long before he did, and the reaction of knowing that it's this tune he's going to perform for thousands.

For too long, Baekhyun's been overwhelmed by his emotions that he failed to realize they weren't unrequited after all.

"I-," he begins, swallowing as the fondness threatens to burst through his chest as they finally see eye to eye.

Just then, the lights on the stage have dimmed, and  behind them, the emcees have rushed down to get their make up retouched. The sound of the guitar starts playing in the background, and the audience scream with excitement. It's time.

He looks at Kyungsoo apologetically, but the younger only shakes his head and smiles. Before he starts to turn back to their seats, Baekhyun calls him out, finding confidence in his voice.

Kyungsoo spins on his heels, facing the wide grin on Baekhyun's lips.

"Watch me, okay? I'll be singing my heart out for you."

There's that look again, and a small smile on the smaller man's face. _A promise_.

With that, he turns to the spotlight and flicks his microphone on.

The lights of the fansticks glow like stars, but nothing in the vast darkness comforts Baekhyun like the pair of eyes that follow him to the center, where he sings foreign words he barely understands, but feels deeply with every fiber in his body.

**Author's Note:**

> As you may have noticed, the timeline has been set to MAMA 2017, for which I am very stoked about. The boys have worked hard for this comeback, let's give them the love they deserve. #5thDaesang 
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to read! Leave a comment if you like! I eat constructive criticisms for a living.


End file.
